The Gift of Removed Margin

by Jayna Breigh

I have given talks about child-rearing and time management at a halfway house that my church supports. The entrance requirement for women is that they are recovering from substance addiction. Some are sent straight from jail as a condition of their release. Each hour of their day is structured. Devotions, chores, classes, meals, more chores, and group sessions. Every moment programmed and measured to provide firm guardrails which will lead to graduation and a restart in life. The goal? A job, reunification with family, and a life free from dependence. 

I’d give my little workshops about parenting and time management, then drive back home to my valedictorian son, my airline pilot husband, and my gentrified historical house. I now realize I interacted with these women from a place of distance. A place with excess margin and an abundance of human and financial resources which buffered me from shipwreck when life was stormy.

Then one day a stranger dropped my mother off at my house. They’d found her wandering down the road. She was having a stroke and my margin disappeared.

Releasing Pride

Daily caregiving revealed weaknesses in my character: fears, pride, vanity, selfishness. There were days when I yearned for a mental checkout, a shortcut, and I was driven to the cross for repentance, confession, and mercy. I learned that things I thought I was controlling were actually God’s merciful hand allowing margin and restraining hardship.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 says, “The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Thankfulness for the Gifts

Judge Mahalia Jackson, the main character of my novel, An Appearance of Impropriety, is ambitious. Her sole life objective is to climb to the pinnacle of her profession, marry a multi-degreed man, and sit at the top of society. She begins working with underprivileged inner-city youth as a resume builder and is confronted with the shallowness and self-centered orientation of her life.

It Is All Sifted Through His Hands

Like my character Mahalia, I have come to the realization that the things we want and the things we do not want are all sifted through God’s hands. 1 Corinthians 4:7b-c says, “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” In her mind, Mahalia rehearses the hymn “I Surrender All”: “All to Jesus I surrender; / Humbly at His feet I bow, / Worldly pleasures all forsaken; / Take me, Jesus, take me now.” Hard lyrics to bear, but such a profound way to live. My tagline is: Hoping to Heal Hearts with Eternal Truths. I am learning that surrendering my will to His is the road to earthly and eternal healing.

Jayna Breigh is an award-winning author of romantic legal dramas. With over a decade of experience practicing “big city law” in Los Angeles, she brings authenticity to her stories, which feature lawyers, courtroom intrigue, senior citizens, and characters overcoming life's toughest challenges. Beyond writing, Jayna has shared her insights as a speaker at women’s retreats and a leader of Bible studies. She’s drawn to humor, inspiration, and painfully cute social media. The only personal drama she indulges in? British period pieces and competitive games of Wordfeud.