Sick of the Waiting

by Shannon Sue Dunlap

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12, NIV)

Forty minutes of standing in the rain had not been the best start to my day. But a teacher needs to help the children out of their car seats, regardless of the weather. Finished with morning duty, I headed for my music classroom with damp expectations for the day. There was more than enough time to check my email before the first students arrived. On my phone, I found a message from the publishing house where I’d submitted a manuscript.

Emotions swirled inside of me. Wonder, anxiety, hope. I’d made the decision to become a writer at the young, optimistic age of twenty-one, and now at forty-three, it was too late to become an overnight success. A different story I’d written had been accepted by another publisher, but this group was the one I’d been trying to work with for years. The journey had been long and frustrating with many false alarms and almost-but-not-quite opportunities. Would this be another fake out? A sorry-we-like-it-but-your-manuscript-doesn’t-meet-our-current-needs-at-this-time response?

I opened the editor’s email and read the words I’d waited so long to hear. “Congratulations. Looking forward to working with you.”

A tree of life shot through the barren soil of my soul. Its branches stretched through my spirit, and flowers burst into bloom. I crumpled to the floor and cried. Not a genteel, well-bred whimper. Oh no. If anyone was in the classroom next to mine, they must have thought I had an unruly kindergartner pitching a fit. I wailed from my gut with all the passion of twenty-plus years of being stuck in an endless waiting room of disappointed dreams. But this time, my name had been called. It was finally my turn!

This month will see the release of my fourth novel, Hearts Aweigh, and turning the pages of my own book brings me so much joy. Yet, there are other areas of life where I’m still deferred—desires of my heart I’ve prayed about for years that God has yet to give me. In my latest story, my heroine Abby lives with the unfulfilled longing to be a wife and mother. I can relate to her frustration. Entering my forties while still single was never part of my plan. And as I watch friends around me enjoy their children’s birthdays and graduations, the waiting is as torturous as ever. But I can hold my books in both hands as physical testimonies. They remind me God keeps His promises, even if it takes a while.

Who doesn’t hate a waiting room? I’m old enough to remember when they were filled with stacks of wrinkled, outdated magazines. Now, we mindlessly scroll through our phones until our appointment time. But even worse than the physical waiting room is the mental one. My first official book released through a publisher when I was forty-three. That’s a long time waiting for my divine appointment! And, believe me, I felt those years. Several things sustained me both then and now when hope is deferred:

1. God’s Word – I spend time every day reacquainting myself with the truth. Among the clamor and gloom of our modern world, the scriptures remind me what matters—that God will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5), He loves me enough to die for me (Romans 5:8), and He has plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

2. Worship – When the desert times sucked the moisture from my spirit, a melody of praise watered my soul. On one particularly bleak morning, it was the song “I Speak Jesus” playing on the TV which lifted me from a pit of despair.

3. Counting my blessings – In my room, there’s a large glass jar with colorful pieces of paper inside. When something good happens, I write it down and put it in the jar. There’s a reason the Bible urges us to think on the good reports (Philippians 4:8). At the end of every year, I go back and read through all the blessings God sent my way that I lost track of in the drudgery of bills, sickness, and routines.

Deferred hopes have made my heart sick at times, but there have also been trees of life to sustain me. No matter how long the wait, I refuse to give up on God’s promises. If there’s one thing the Bible teaches us, it’s that the Father never offers us a half-baked dream. He waits until “the fulness of the time” has come. And when it arrives, it’s oh so sweet to the taste.

Shannon Sue Dunlap lives in hot and humid Houston, Texas where she writes love stories with a laugh-out-loud center. Her romcoms include the Sweetheart Series, Selah Awards Finalist Love Overboard, and her latest, Hearts Aweigh. Real life is her most exciting story as she discovers the plotline Heaven has already laid out. She's a big fan of happy endings and believes God has designed a special one for each of us. Find out more at www.shannonsuedunlap.com.

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