Intersection Column | On the Brink of Forty, I Wrote Myself Backward

by Stephanie Mack

As my fortieth birthday began to beam at me from the calendar, I found myself doing what many women do in these quiet, existential moments—perhaps especially us millennials, a nostalgic bunch:

Reflecting. Examining. Pondering.

Not in regret, exactly, but rather curiosity. I thought almost instantly of the girl I was at twenty-one, fresh out of USC—that bright-eyed, big-dreaming bride at the altar with her college sweetheart. Then the career girl in pencil skirts. Then the young stay-at-home mom. Then the writer who’d never stop telling stories, whether for my girls, publications, businesses, individuals, or my humbly growing fiction audience.

Who was I then? Who am I now? Who am I daily becoming?

The boundary of midlife felt suddenly keen and sharp as the kitchen line on a pickleball court.

Life at thirty-eight was full—three children, nearly two decades of marriage, a home in Southern California, carpool lines, church on Sundays, and a calendar color-coded with kids’ sports and meetings. It was a good life, one I adored, one I built with my soulmate. But somewhere between playing taxi driver to three little ladies and scrolling through ancient photos, I found myself wondering: Who would I be if I hadn’t gotten married so young? If my twenties had taken a whole different trajectory? Would I be the same woman inside different choices? Or somebody else entirely?

I began to imagine rewinding the clock—not to change my life, but to understand it.

At the same time, I was brainstorming like crazy for my next novel, unsure what to write. I’d previously self-published two books, When We Blinked and Suing Cinderella (both rereleasing with Tyndale House). I knew I wanted to stay in my lane of heartfelt women’s fiction with romantic elements and maybe—just maybe—a touch of magical realism. In my reflective state, my favorite movie of all time, It’s a Wonderful Life, had also been sparkling in my mind on a loop—the way the world changed forever because of one man, the impact of his kindness and choices, however seemingly small, on every single person around him.

Naturally, despite all this, I decided to write a rom-com set in Hawaii. My existential questions and zany time-hopping inklings were frankly a little much. They could go on the shelf.

Or could they?

I still can’t believe what happened next.

One cool winter Tuesday night, my husband and I were playing a fierce game of pickleball at our club, down a few points, when the young, sprightly, tall, extremely strong opponent directly across from me came down on the ball with his full force and mighty strength, speedy and unrelenting.

He smacked me right in the face.

My life flashed before my eyes, face going numb as I buckled onto the ground. I didn’t pass out like Sutton, my protagonist, but I was close. Stars burned, fears bubbled, dreams popped. College, marriage, babies, friendships, womanhood, pickleball, life, writing . . .

Forty.

From that instant, I wouldn’t turn back. I had my spark for Twenty Something Else, and I could no longer deny it. I’d take my readers to Maui some other time. I got to work the next day.

While fun and sparkly in many ways, the process of writing Sutton was an assignment I wouldn’t take lightly. I wanted her to be an extension of me, but also not me at all. We bear striking similarities—three children, a long marriage, questions about what if, a passion for the arts—but she is uniquely her. I also wanted to dive deep, then deeper still, on topics like female friendship, aging, marriage, parenting, faith, and grief. I wanted you to feel it all.

My hope is that in Sutton’s story, though likely entirely different from yours, you might see yourself. That you might feel permission to look back on your life, wherever you are, with both gratitude and a head tilt, marveling at the various versions of you that might have indeed played out because of the layered, one-of-a-kind, beautiful qualities that make you distinctly you.

Most of all, I hope you close the novel with thankfulness for the woman you are today.

Forty, it turns out, wasn’t a scary deadline.

It was an invitation to all that’s next.

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About the Author

Stephanie Mack is an author, speaker, and podcast host with a passion for the art of great storytelling. Her novels blend women's fiction and romantic elements with meaningful insights for readers navigating the complexities of modern life. Throughout her career, Stephanie has been trusted to craft language for individuals, publications, and Fortune 500 companies. Stephanie lives in Orange County, California, with her husband and three daughters, balancing motherhood, creativity, and community. She invites readers to connect with her on stephaniemack.com.

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About the Book

On the eve of her fortieth birthday, a woman wakes up from a pickleball accident with the unexpected chance to relive her twenties in this sparkling novel that takes readers on a witty, wistful journey through the dreams we outgrow, the life choices that shape us, and the surprising detours that can lead us home.