How Did We Get Here?

by Cindi McMenamin

Are you feeling lonelier these days than you used to? Experiencing that unexplainable ache you can’t seem to get rid of? Perhaps you’re spending more time with your phone than with people and you don’t want to think about how that might’ve happened. Maybe you used to feel closer to God and some of your friends and family than you do today, and you don’t know how to reverse that. You could be feeling on the outside of popular opinion or wondering if you have a place or voice in today’s culture or even in your own family. Or, perhaps you wish you had a church or were more connected at the one you attend.

You’re not the only one feeling lonelier than ever. Loneliness has always been a struggle for many of us and continues to be. But in recent decades, the causes of loneliness have multiplied. A lot has shifted in the world around us, and there is a new loneliness afloat, making the problem more pervasive than ever. In addition to living in an increasingly high-tech and screen-focused society, we’ve been impacted by the forced isolation from the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns that persisted for nearly two years all around us. The lockdowns pushed our culture’s reliance on tech and screens even more. Video conferencing alone has forever changed the way many of us operate—at work, in schools, at church, and in our homes.

While the pandemic is now behind us, our increased reliance upon AI, high tech, and screens isn’t. And the habits formulated over an extended time of isolation and caution have led us into a new and different normal. Without necessarily intending to do so, we’ve all become more acclimated to new habits and new ways of going about life. We’ve adapted, but the results of our new normal have had a profound impact on us and aren’t all positive.

Both technology and the consequences of the pandemic have taken us to a place where the traditional kinds of loneliness we’ve struggled with—loneliness caused by anxiety, shame, suffering, feelings of inadequacy, betrayal, and more—have become increasingly pronounced. The kinds of loneliness that have always plagued humanity since the Garden of Eden are still with us. But now we have new obstacles and complications that have contributed to isolating us from others. And these have made loneliness more a part of our lives.

In mid-2023, the US Surgeon General issued a health alert that confirmed there is an “epidemic of loneliness”—a health risk of isolation (which includes spending more time with screens than people), and a failure to connect deeply with others through friendships and risk of intimacy—that is now increasing your chance of dementia by 50 percent and your chance of premature death by more than 60 percent. It is actually unhealthy to be lonely today—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and now physically, regardless of your age. According to the Surgeon General, the long-term health risks of loneliness are equivalent to the danger of smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day!

As I mentioned earlier, people have always suffered from loneliness. We have all felt it now and then. But now it’s more persistent. And these more intense feelings of loneliness didn’t happen overnight.

Excerpted from: The New Loneliness. Copyright © 2024 Cindi McMenamin. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97408. www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Cindi McMenamin is an award-winning writer and national speaker who has ministered to women for nearly 40 years. She is the author of 17 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 160,000 copies sold) and When God Sees Your Tears. As a Bible teacher, her passion is to help women strengthen their walk with God and their relationships. Connect with Cindi at www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.